Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
