Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
