i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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