im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
