Duck Duck Cougar?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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