dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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