Im at strip club and am horny
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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