I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
