well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
