Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
