I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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