Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
