just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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