1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
