dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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