a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
