Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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