you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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