The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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