using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
