Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
