the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
