just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
