Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
