We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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