Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize