I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!