Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.