I just cut my nipple shaving
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook