the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?