He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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