oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
