I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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