I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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