...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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