In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize