apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
