ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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