I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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