piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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