no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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