i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
