Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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