my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
