I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
