I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
