i love accidental penises.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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