I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize