i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
