The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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