I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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