Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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