You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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