She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
