did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
