oh god the rape fog is back!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize