ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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