under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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