Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
