if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
