I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
