I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
