how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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