He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
