i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
