Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
