did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
