using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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