Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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