I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
