Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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