Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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