so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
