did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
