we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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