Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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