I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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