Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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