Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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